What is funny? Funny is a noun, but funny is more than just a noun. The funny thing is that funny is a funny word because it produces funny giggles in your heart. It’ll make your soul lighter, your day better, your world spicier, and your brain happier. As a self-diagnosed fexpert (funny+expert), I have produced 3 tips that you desperately need to obtain funny.

Tip #1: Be unpredictable. When I say things that are out of the blue or do unexpected and wacky things, my mom thinks it’s funny. However, try not to say things that are bad and mean, because that can make people sad. I know, because I have done things that I regret, and the memories echo deep in my heart. Anyways, an example of something unpredictable is farting. For example, if you’re in class, and you fart a big, juicy weezer, people will find you funny because it was so buttastically random. These unexpected delights that you don’t see coming are equivalent to saucy brownies.

Tip #2: Put yourself out there. Engage in conversations. If you put yourself out there, yes, you’ll say really cringey, unfunny things, and everyone will shrivel, but you’ll learn to say many funny things, because deep down, under all that skin, you’re still a human. One time I put myself out there. You see, I needed to pee really badly, so I peed in public at Craters of the Moon, butt-naked and everything, and my sister laughed so bad that she peed herself. Spread the pee.

Tip #3: Feel the funny connection. Find the funniness in each part of life, and in each crevice of your tooth. Learn to laugh at people. For instance, if your friend says, “Yesterday I took a test,” look them in the eyes and feel the humor radiating from each syllable of each word. Smile and your heart will slice open like butter, and you and your friend will begin to develop a certain connection. A connection that we professionals call the funny connection.

Following these steps will be hard for the first couple of months, but with some effort, you’re going to be a fexpert too. Remember that I’m not perfect either. Some days, I struggle with being funny. I have no substance. I’m like an empty sack of skin, but I always get over those hard times, and I always stay vigilant. If I can be funny, you can too. So just keep fighting, and one day you’ll be as enlightened as me.