I love candy. I’ve had about 20 cavities in my life (including before all my teeth fell out), so clearly I have a sweet tooth. It’s weird because I used to hate chocolate, but after the 6th grade, I realized that chocolate’s actually not bad. Each candy has been categorized starting from Straight in the Trash all the way up to S Tier. Disclaimer: the written ranking doesn’t perfectly match the diagram because of technical difficulties.

Straight in the Trash: The worst treats are so bad they should be called tricks, because they’re disappointment in disguise. Twizzlers definitely aren’t rizzlers, Dots/Sprees have a gross and plastic aftertaste, and candy corn has a grainy and unpleasant texture. I realize that many people like Mike and Ikes, but I can’t deal with them because they are downgraded versions of jelly beans, and I already don’t like jelly beans. I’m just utterly shocked that a company can make these candies and still stay in business. 

Last Gone: These candies taste as good as raisins, which is kind of embarrassing because raisins are actually healthy. I know that most people like Hot Tamales, but they don’t hit the spot, mostly because they have the jelly bean texture, and I don’t like that they’re spicy. Spicy and candy are two words that don’t go together. 

C Tier: These candies are mediocre. They’re definitely more tasty than not but nothing crazy. I definitely couldn’t eat too much of any of these candies. In particular, Tootsie Rolls are mediocre because despite the poopy look, they taste nice and chocolatey.

B Tier: These are the bad boys in town.It’s rare for the sticky and rubbery candies to taste good, but Airheads, Laffy Taffy, Bit-O-Honey, and Starbusts did it right by sticking to a simple sweet flavor that doesn’t overwhelm the taste buds. 

A Tier: These are the candies that are impressive, yet not quite godly. Chocolate candies definitely have an advantage over other types because chocolate is a simple ingredient, where it’s pretty hard to go wrong, unless you make it spicy. I definitely feel like Jolly Ranchers are underrated. Jolly Ranchers have an attractive glassy look and the flavors are reminiscent of snow cone syrup.  

S Tier: S is for slayyy because these are the treats that slayyy the competition.Mini gummy bears are here because they are rare and the small bears are so cute. The thick, hard to chew texture, makes the final swallow even more rewarding. Butterfingers are the king of the ranking because of how well the chocolatey crunch mixes with the hard peanut butter layer on the inside.