Summer is starting to draw to a close. The weather’s getting chillier, the days are getting shorter, and leaves are beginning to turn. But even as the general upbeat mood of the public is starting to dampen with the dramatic weather shift, local nature is a flurry of activity. Starting to emerge around late September-early October, you’ll soon begin to see wild turkeys, white-tailed deer, and barn owls. Additionally, many flowers—such as roses, dahlias, and pansies—all bloom in the Autumn. All of these are great. But with the new season rapidly approaching, another creature is beginning to emerge.
Pumpkin spice latte girlies.
Oh, the horror.
When I think of pumpkin spice lattes, I think of 2015-era Tumblr autumn girls with their Ugg boots, big hats, and copy-paste personalities. To be completely honest, people who make their entire personalities one thing give me the ick.
My problem with pumpkin spice lattes is that they taste like a Bath and Body Works candle. I don’t like feeling like I’m gnawing on wax when I drink a coffee; sorry if that makes me #cringe.
While researching this very important topic, I discovered something shocking. For the first twelve years of the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte’s existence, the drink never contained any pumpkin. The recipe was changed in 2015 to include the titular ingredient, but only because the coffee chain wanted to “appease those who wanted to see real pumpkin on the list of ingredients,” said Kantha Shelke, a food scientist who worked on the beloved drink’s evolution. No thanks, I’ll stick with my grande white chocolate mocha.
What is a Stanley cup girly anyways? A really devoted hockey fan? Unfortunately, no.
When I was in Drawing last year, there was a girl who brought in her Stanley every single day. She always put too much ice in her beverage of choice, and it would clank around the inside of her cup. She once dropped it on the hard linoleum floor and made the loudest noise possible. It’s giving 2019 VSCO girls with their Hydroflasks.
Stanley cup girlies tend to have a lot in common with each other. They all seem to be obsessed with TikTok, which is where most of them hear about Stanleys in the first place. They also are the kind of people who had never once thought about staying hydrated before the Stanley cup became popular.
There’s also a weird splinter faction of millennials and Gen X women who’ve made it their life’s goal to collect all of the different colored Stanleys like they’re Pokemon cards. Which, y’know, owning thirty Stanleys defeats the purpose of owning a reusable cup. My $16.99 metal water bottle that can’t even stand upright from how dented the bottom is still works fine for the purposes of holding water.
