How to Skatebored Very Well


Aidan Teegarden loves lying in the middle of the street after a good skating trick. (Isaac Fishman)

Isaac Fishman, Managing Editor

I’ve been skating for twenty seven years, and I’m getting tired of all the same tricks over and over again. So I invented some new tricks for everyone to enjoy! Also, they’re a bit ‘unorthodox’


“The Winged Hussar”


First, you have to drop into a bowl with your skateboard above your head, as far as it can go. Then, run directly at the nearest person in the bowl and offer to shake their hand. Say sike, and then do a kickflip. Optional variation: run away if the person is nasty. 


“Death and taxes”


Drop onto a rail, sliding down the middle of your board for a second. Let go of the board and allow your crotch to slam into the metal bar. (Note: Women may have an easier time with this trick) After you’ve recovered from the pain, take a prolonged recess from skating, focusing on mental wellness and yoga. Then, fill out your W2 form with the help of a turbo tax expert. Finally, grow old and die. 


“Queen of Knives”


Start by doing kickflips until you reach a point of hallucination. Once you start hallucinating, make up a massive, in depth, fantasy world. In this fantasy world create a skater queen named the Queen of Knives. Make this character’s backstory the same as yours, doing kickflips until exhaustion and making a fantasy world with the queen of knives in it. Make that queen make a fantasy world, etc. Warning: once you start this trick you can’t stop it.