Will Smith-Esque Moments


The form on the slap is perfect. The outstretched hand, the 45 degree angle, immaculate. (Oscars)

Isaac Fishman, Managing editor

The Oscars have always been a battleground. When so many colossal egos come to one place, something is bound to happen. Everyone knows about the whole Will Smith incident, so I’m not gonna talk about that. Let’s just say, with all the media coverage, he’s between a rock and a bald place right now (Badumm tss). Here are some of my favorite zany, wacky and demoralizing Oscar moments. 


  1. Oscar the Grouch dropping out of Nirvana


When you think of the nineties you can’t not think about Nirvana. Revolutionizing rock, this grunge band from Seattle exploded onto the scene with their debut album, Nevermind. Kurt Cobain was the obvious star, being the lead singer, and Krist Novoselic was a wizard on the Bass. But true music enjoyers couldn’t deny that Oscar the Grouch, the band’s drummer, possessed skills far beyond what anyone had seen before. He could play drum solos with his mouth, hold three sticks at once and even filled out a W2 form while performing a solo at a LIVE SHOW! With all this talent, Oscar was rightfully fed up with the media’s continued coverage of Kurt, and infighting led him to drop out of the band. Oscar became homeless after forfeiting all his royalties from violating his contract with the band, but eventually returned to the spotlight on the kids TV show, Sesame Street, where he stayed homeless. You can still find Oscar in his trash can today, hanging out on Sesame Street, eating garbage. 


2. Oscar Meyer starting a South American Guerilla insurgency


Most people know Oscar Meyer as the man behind the mustard, the God-king of the grill. But where did he get all his mustard and grilling equipment? Many may not know this, but Oscar Meyer was once a ruthless warlord in the Amazonas, often raiding the mustard storages of Maunaus, the Mustard capital of the world. It is said that his lust for mustard was unmatched, and that anyone who stood in his way, was quote: “drowned in ketchup” (via Reuters). Eventually, Oscar became so rich that he was able to buy a pardon and keep his mustard. To this day, he still ships out the lovely treat to the homes of kind, decent Americans.


3.  Oscar Robertson becoming the first man to successfully calm down Jason Voorhees. 


Jason Voorhees, once the most feared man in the world, is now a librarian, who loves to crochet. How did this happen? Oscar Robertson happened! Jason Voorhees once attended a Milwaukee Bucks game in the 70’s. He had the intention to murder five, maybe six people. Then, as he ran onto the court, Oscar stopped him. He looked into his mask, straight through it, and into his soul. He asked Jason: “Why do you kill? You have a kind soul, yet you don’t listen to it.” “I don’t know,” responded Jason, “I guess I never thought about it that way. Now that you mention it, I feel so empty. I am desperate for love, Oscar, can you give me love?” 

Oscar then dunked on Jason so embarrassingly that it brought Jason to tears. He defended Jason in court, allowing him to be acquitted of all crimes. They’re still friends today, and have lunch every Saturday.