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How To Properly Hammock

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How To Properly Hammock

Photo Credit: Madera Outdoor

Photo Credit: Madera Outdoor

Photo Credit: Madera Outdoor

Claire O'Melia, Social Media Editor

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Hammocking season is upon us. Every day at Camel’s Back park, hammockers can be spotted doing their thing, and they can even cause you to consider becoming a hammocker yourself. But, this elusive sport is not so difficult. Here are some steps you can take to become a true hammock legend.

 

  • Own a hammock. Duh.
  • Wake up early. In order to get the primo spot at the park, one must rise before the sun is up. If you’re not the first one at the park, it is highly unlikely that you’ll find two perfectly positioned trees where you can set up your hammock. Have fun racing other desperate wannabe hammockers for that one mediocre left-over spot.
  • Find the best spot. The best hammocking spot is one that is facing the sun, but not directly; maybe at a 53° angle to the solar orb. It is perpendicular to the wind, so that you can be gently rocked back and forth, but not so in the wind that you are violently ‘shooken’. Underneath two 7 year old trees is best, as they produce the least amount of sap and have the most desirable circumference.
  • Set up your hammock. Once you find the best spot, follow these instructions to set up your banana-shaped sitting device. First, unravel the straps like your future will unravel as you waste your time sitting at the park, doing nothing, instead of studying or working. Next, put the straps around the tree, gently, so as not to damage the tree or any animals in it. Speaking of animals in things, when was the last time you brushed your hair? Those wannabe hippie dreads are looking dreadful. Then, put the hammock on the straps.
  • Get in the hammock. This is perhaps the most difficult step. You must launch yourself into the atmosphere with the ferocity of a kangaroo, yet land perfectly on your hammock like a gentle raindrop. Make sure to enter the hammock at a 46.5° angle to maximize your soft sway.
  • Finally, hammock! You know what to do. Just listen to your heart, and you will know. Your ancestors have passed on centuries of knowledge to you, just so that you can perfectly execute this one moment. Revel in all your glory.
  • Take a picture. Or 12. If you didn’t put it on Instagram, did it really happen? The answer is yes, only it wasn’t put on Instagram.

 

So get out there, you hippie! Enjoy a nice day at the park, and waste a few hours doing absolutely nothing except being an absolute legend.

 

Claire O'Melia, Co-Social Media Editor, Reporter

Claire O’Melia has been an avid writer ever since she was a child, and her love of reading has fueled her passion for writing. As a sophomore, this is...

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How To Properly Hammock